


Bambina, Bambino

by PiccoloLeone



Series: Pasta Parents [3]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Everything is Beautiful and Nothing Hurts, F/M, Flash Thompson is a nosey dick, Fluff, How Do I Tag, Kid Fic, Kinda, Michelle Jones Is a Good Bro, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro, Ned Leeds is a Good Bro, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Parent Tony Stark, Peter Parker Has a Family, Peter Parker is a Good Bro, Peter Parker is a Little Shit, Peter is a Little Shit, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Precious Peter Parker, Teen Peter Parker, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, bare with me, i still cant tag, i suck at explanations, its preparing sort of, soon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-11
Updated: 2019-01-09
Packaged: 2019-08-21 20:11:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16583321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PiccoloLeone/pseuds/PiccoloLeone
Summary: “No, but seriously Peter, why are you reading this? You don’t take that class. Also, this isn’t in the syllabus anyway. Why- ohmygod. No.”Great. She knew. He had ONE job and he couldn’t even do it. God he’d never be trusted again.“YOU KNOCKED SOMEONE UP?!”Oh. Fuck. No.Um.The one where Peter tries to keep the Stark baby a secret but fails because he's dense. Still.Plus little snippets leading up to the birth.(Updates very sporadically)Marvel are gonna have to claw Morgan out of my cold dead hands ;) This is me trying to make things happy before canon fucks us over





	1. Peter Can't Keep Secrets

**Author's Note:**

> So I decided to carry this on and tbh I have no idea where this fic is going.
> 
> I know vaguely what the next one will be, but beyond that i am clueless. Maybe plot will appear? ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> Let me know what you think because i need validation whoops
> 
> Thankyou x

Distantly, Peter knew that someone was calling his name. But to be honest? At this point, it could be anyone. He might still be in Spanish class - in which case Señorita García would be glaring daggers at him, since this was not the first time (he had a lot on his mind recently, leave him be) - but he could also be in history...

The insisting voice was getting hard to ignore and, maybe, he should just answer it to put them both out of their misery. It could be important! Not that he cared.

The book in front of him was suddenly ripped from his grasp and uncaringly tossed to the cafeteria table: so that’s where they were! Peter stared at the spot where the book had been cradled in his hands, silently pondering who he’d have to kill and whether he could do it discreetly; considering he was in a school cafeteria, those chances were slim.

“Oh my god Parker, are you having an existential crisis? ‘Cus I don’t think I can deal with that and- I don’t want to.” The previously frustrating voice that had been chipping away at his skull, seemed to be directly in front of him, it’s reply dry and flippant. So, Michelle. Michelle was the annoying voice. That explained so much.

“Wa- no! I’m fine, I’m good, everything is great.” Wow, that sounded convincing. Good job.

Michelle’s gaze bore into him enough to make him squirm before she sighed in a very Michelle-like way, seemingly dismissing the entire event, except- of course she hadn’t. She picked up the book so fast that even Peter’s heightened reflexes couldn’t snatch it first (and really, what was the point in having powers when they never worked when you actually needed them?!).

Peter felt a blush bloom on his cheeks, spreading rapidly across his face, leaving no uncertainty to how he felt - again, damn everything about himself since even his complexion betrayed him which, as a child, usually led to being grounded by Ben and May. That was not fun.

He wasn’t embarrassed per se, just... wary. And slightly embarrassed. Michelle would probably make this worse; she loved teasing him but sometimes he wondered whether it would go too far and he’d end up somewhere he’d rather not ever visit. Yeah, he was kinda scared of her.

“Sooooo Pete... What the fuck? What the actual- you can read?!” Michelle sent him an incredulous look of shock before settling for a completely bored expression.

“No, but seriously Peter, why are you reading this? You don’t take that class. Also, this isn’t in the syllabus anyway. Why- ohmygod. No.”

Great. She knew. He had ONE job and he couldn’t even do it. God he’d never be trusted again.

“YOU KNOCKED SOMEONE UP?!”

Oh. Fuck. No.

Um.

“Michelle, NO. Shush, oh god.” The girl looked beyond ecstatic, maybe manic. Definitely more emotive than Peter had ever seen.

“Peter! You never tell me anything! What?!” Ned collapsed dramatically beside him and, oh shit, some people were staring. Abort. Abort.

Run maybe? No, that’s suspicious. Fuck. This did not go how he wanted. He’d rather the secret get out than have his entire school experience even more ruined (even though it would kill him to break the promise, fuck everything)

“Ned, no shut up, stop complaining. Listen. Guys, I didn’t knock anyone up, I swear, ok?”

“Yeah, I doubt you’d know you to.” Came the deadpan response. He answered it with a glare but from the snort of laughter that escaped Michelle’s lips, it clearly didn’t do shit.

“Then why are you reading- ‘Your Baby Week by Week’. Ha, what?” Ned smirked down at the book in Michelle’s hands while Peter seriously considered just making a break for it. This couldn’t get much worse.

But clearly, they weren’t going to buy a flimsy excuse and a matching manly escape, so maybe he should just tell them. It would be easier; maybe he just can’t keep secrets? Ouch. Guilt. Maybe he shouldn’t? Ugh. Life is so confusing. And demanding. To reiterate: everything sucks.

“Look, if I tell you something, do you 100% promise not to tell anyone? Swear to me. On your life.” He tried to glare them into submission (no, not like that ew) but they just stared blankly back. One good thing out of today: he learnt that he can’t glare to save his life and he needs specialist training in life, stat.

Desperately, Peter added a slightly wounded puppy look. He wasn’t beyond guilt tripping.

“Fine. What?” Michelle folded her arms on top of the book, whether deliberately or not, but Peter knew he wasn’t getting it back anytime soon.

Peter bit his lip and glanced down before checking the rest of the room. Apparently, the other students weren’t bothered by the potentially 15 year old father, but then that wasn’t the weirdest thing to happen in their lives and clearly nothing revolutionary was going to be said, so they had gone back to their conversations. Thank fuck.

Peter leaned in towards the centre of the table, Michelle and Ned comically following suit, causing Peter to internally wince at their subtlety. He hoped to God that this wouldn’t blow up in his face.

“I’m not the one that’s pregnant but someone I know is, okay?” There. Telling but not telling: the perfect compromise.

Michelle’s eyebrow arched disbelievingly while Ned’s face twisted in confusion. Peter could practically see the cogs turning in his head, albeit quite slowly. His best friend’s face lit up, brown eyes widening, a smile stretching across his cheeks.

“May’s pregnant?! Oh my god, with who?! This is so exciting - Pete you’re gonna be a brother/cousin ohmygod! This is so amazing!” The words spilled out of Ned’s mouth so quickly that Peter almost missed, well, all of it. His spiel finally clicked in his mind, a look of horror crossing his face despite the other boys look of pure joy and, out the corner of his eyes, Michelle’s faint grin.

“No! No, god, fuck, no, argh! Let me finish Ned, holy shit,” his voice came out weaker than he wanted it to; this was going to shit. “It’s not May! Why would-?” Peter pressed his face against his folded arms, his next words coming out muffled and slightly exasperated, “It’s Mr Stark.”

He kept his face in his nest, not wanting to see their reactions (which would no doubt make him want to literally jump out of the window to avoid their questions and the onslaught of nosy students that might have heard) but realised belatedly that all that followed was silence. Which was odd in Ned’s case, not so much in Michelle’s.

Risking a glance upwards, Peter saw Ned’s disbelief, amazement and the face he pulled whenever Peter talked about knowing Tony (and it was still so strange to call him that but he would admit that he got a kick out of it every time), then Michelle’s smirk and... interest? Hm.

“Tony Stark’s pregnant?!” Ned hissed, pushing his face towards Peter’s. And because Peter was cool, he almost wobbled off the edge of the bench trying to get away from his overeager friend’s head. Nice.

When he regained his balance (good help there powers- oh, wait, never mind because they never fucking worked!), Peter opened his mouth several times before he gave up on words entirely to shrug. It seemed life was going to continuously fuck him and he could deal with that, that was fine.

“Yes?” He questioned, like Ned held the answers and not him. Because he’s smart. “I mean, no,” Ned’s face creased in confusion, giving Peter the urge to slam his head through a wall. Speak, Parker. “He’s not, obviously, cus he’s a guy and biology or whatever but Pep- Miss Potts is, so you have to shut up, i swear to God Ned, don’t say anything! I will be murdered-,” he dragged the word out and waved his hands around; he needed Ned to take him seriously and in his sleep deprived state, thought this was the perfect way to ensure that. In hindsight, it probably wasn’t but Peter was beyond caring. “-by Iron Man, do you understand?! I would die of embarrassment and that’s embarrassing!” His voice may or may not have cracked on the last few words but the jury was still out on that.

“Peter, you can’t die twice-“

“Shut up Michelle! You know what I mean! Don’t. Say. Anything.” He levelled his best glare (which apparently wasn’t much to yell about) at his two friends. God, if they say something he’s so screwed.

“Okay, cool.” Acquiesced Michelle, looking back down at the book cover, though he could tell she was amused by the situation, which wasn’t fair - Peter was stressed about it.

“Pepper Potts is pregnant?! With who?” Peter and Michelle simultaneously shot Ned looks that screamed ‘are you serious?’ and ‘you’re a fucking moron’ (guess which was which), while Ned looked on with his lips pursed.

“With... Tony, Ned - you’re joking right?” It was hard to tell with Ned sometimes. He was a smart guy - he hacked into the suit after all and was basically top in every class except languages (but they don’t make sense anyway) - but sometimes he was a dense as Peter apparently was - unfortunately Michelle had been right and May and Tony shared the sentiment; he was one of the main subjects at Italian Bitching Night™️ for a reason - and he honestly didn’t know if he was seriously oblivious or just joking half of the time.

“Yeah, cool, I just wanted to check ‘cus that would suck otherwise. They are such a power couple. That kid is gonna be the coolest ever! Oh! Pete, are you gonna be like an uncle? Is that why you’re reading that dumbass book in a school canteen where everyone can see and that might take it the wrong way? You’re stupid Peter. I love it.” Ned sent him such an innocent smile that Peter nearly missed the slight insult at him being an idiot.

Rude.

He punched him lightly in the arm but grinned nevertheless. “I’m not gonna be an uncle. That’s weird. Maybe... the cool cousin? But I’m reading that ‘dumbass book’ because I dunno shit about kids. And I need to. So I can, you know,” he shrugged helplessly; words suck. “-help out? I wanna be not-awkward, so I have to learn!” He turned at Michelle’s giggle.

“It talks about sex. Ha. Peter, do you know what that is? Basically, when Mommy and Daddy love each other very much-“

 

* * *

 

Peter did get the book back from Michelle, albeit slightly reluctantly (she clearly wanted him to fail, which was unfair) and devoted himself to learning everything he could. He wanted to be as much help as he could to the Potts-Starks, even though they clearly weren’t in short staff. Secretly, Peter and May were overly excited about the news, planning and buying like it was their own despite Tony telling them to be ‘lowkey’ about it. Well. That ship had sailed. They already had a few presents for the baby shower that was bound to happen, stacked in the corner of the living room that May frantically hid in closets when Tony and/or Pepper came round. If he came unexpectedly (which happened more often than not), Peter’s job - or May’s very rushed one if he wasn’t there - was to run around the apartment hiding them in places he wasn’t likely to look and do it quickly. He’ll get suspicious otherwise, May had said. Peter didn’t think it was that big of a deal; he’d probably just cry.

They were excited. Sue them.

Peter found he was more committed to being a good - cousin? Brother? No, that was stretching his chances… - something to the baby than his school work which was… concerning. But, he didn't really care. He should. Maybe.

Problem was, it was always on his mind. Afterall, he was there when they’d found out. Which was a huge deal to Peter and he felt honored to be apart of that monumental moment. He was literally a part of history. It was so cool. Even if everyone was a bit panicked and Natasha Romanov loudly declared she was never eating Tony’s ‘shitty food’ again, muttering in Russian, while Thor frowned and shifted awkwardly. That man was a whole mood. There’d been a lot of yelling involved in various different languages, Tony looking slightly put out at the food insult, Bruce quietly suggesting they “shut the fuck up” and let him help (which made Peter blink widely and gape after the doctor), Vision looking vaguely scared, Rhodey grimacing sympathetically from his crouched spot a safe distance away from Tony and Pepper and May hanging just behind him.

Eventually they had ruled out the problem being Tony’s culinary skills, to which he grinned triumphantly at Natasha who just sighed good naturedly and squeezed his arm on the way over to Pepper. When Pepper whispered something to Tony and he turned slightly pale while still looking strangely happy, they rushed off together, mumbling something about resting that nobody believed. They came back 30 minutes later looking equally ecstatic and terrified (and still weirdly pale in Tony’s case - what was with that?), announcing that Pepper was actually expecting and that Tony was an ‘amazing chef, fuck you Nat’.

They had all celebrated with tiramisu and alcohol (sadly not in Peter’s case, but then neither did Tony and Pepper, so he felt slightly better… and then stole some of Rhodey’s when the other man was distracted), until they parted ways for the night. Peter had been riding on a wave ever since. He was so goddamn excited.

He’d somehow earnt Tony’s trust and respect and he intended to keep it. He would be the best big brother/cousin/estranged family member that he could. He was probably over eager but he knew fuck all and that wasn't good enough.

Plus, May was way further gone than him. She might scare Tony off at this rate.

So he’d be fine.


	2. Peter Fucks Up 2.0

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter needs to stop reading in public. 
> 
> (Or, the one where Peter accidentally reveals the one thing he wasn’t supposed to)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, so I suck. I wrote two separate chapters and then hated everything but I did something. Yay. 
> 
> Thank you to all the comments, kudos and subscribers. It means so much. 
> 
> So here’s a small chapter and hopefully I gain a mojo :))

A drawn-out, long suffering sigh came from Peter’s right, which - due to being friends with Michelle and being known for doing dumbass things - was very common. Peter simply ignored it. If it was that bad, she’d loudly voice her opinion anyway, so he didn’t feel any need to grace her with attention. 

“You know what Peter? I thought you were learning. Really, I did. But obviously you are incapable of growing in any sense of the word and I was naïve about this whole thing.” Michelle collapsed next to him but he refused to look at her; the look on her face would either be terrifying or enough to make him squirm uncomfortably. In all honesty, he had no idea what he’d done but that seemed to be par for the course right now. That would normally be fine but his classes were suffering as a result and he just wanted to cry. 

“Peter, do you ever learn?” He looked up to see Michelle looking vaguely annoyed and disappointed while still looking amused at his apparent failure to learn anything.

“Yeah. Obviously. What are you talking about?” He squinted at her before looking back down at the bo- oh fuck. The book. Christ. Maybe she had a point. 

“Uh, yeah, sure,” She blinked innocently, forcefully closing the book over Peter’s hand without actually hurting him. Huh. “It just looks sorta weird and someone will see, idiot. Public school. That’s where we are. Be. Careful.” 

To be fair, she had a point. Last time he’d read the book at school Michelle had basically yelled about him knocking someone up. That’s not something he needed. However, it was a different book this time and had more tips about caring for the kid than the last, which May had pointed out was probably a lot better since he didn’t need to know what size the baby was in comparison to a fruit every time he saw Pepper. 

He went to slip the book into his new bag (yes, he’d lost another one. So maybe Michelle was right about the learning thing...), when an obnoxious purr came from the next table over. Fuck. His. Life. 

“Penis Parker! Dude, what the fuck is that?!” Flash materialised next to Peter, grabbing the book and turning around to read it - fuck. Peter barely had a moment to curse the world and his useless powers - how the fuck did Flash move faster than him? How is anything fair? - before the asshole in question scoffed in amusement. 

“A baby book, Parker? Damn, never pegged you as the type. But still, I can totally see you as someone’s whore. Is it an older woman? Does she help you feel less useless? Special? Momma’s little baby?” Flash sneered, smirking around at the crowd that had formed (yay) while Michelle seethed next to him. Thank god Ned wasn’t there. It really would be a nightmare then. 

Peter realised, belatedly, that he should be panicking. This was his - admittedly bad - reputation being flushed down the metaphorical toilet, swirling down until it dissipated into nothingness. Yet he felt weirdly calm. He could feel the small tendrils of panic trickle into his mind and squeeze at his insides yet he made no move to fix it. Mainly because he knew that, right now, no one would listen, too busy laughing along with Flash as he went on about who the Mom could be. But also because he knew from the literal heat of anger beside him, that Michelle would handle it. Good thing too; Peter honestly would love everyone to fix his life for him. It would be way to much work for him alone. 

All of a sudden, the table shifted as Michelle stood up angrily, all attention and heads turning towards here and her impending tirade. Even Flash, the enormous twat, stopped mid-taunt to gape slightly. God, his face was so punchable. 

“Thompson, this isn’t any of your business. Leave and shut up.” She sounded close to actually baring her teeth.

“Then why the fuck was Penis reading this in here then, huh? He knocked someone up!” Great. This again. Only this time, people were listening and the rumours would only continue to circulate until Peter’s entire life was ruined and there was nothing left for him to do and - 

Fuck. 

Maybe he should save his own ass. 

You know, like a hero. Like he was supposed to be. Sometimes. 

“It’s not me! It’s not mine!” Peter hadn’t really thought it through, if he was being honest. But his life was on the line here and he had to do something to save his own ass.

Heads swivelled around to look at him, faces creased with doubt and speculation. Flash’s mouth quirked with anticipation, no doubt thinking that Peter was gonna fuck this up and embarrass himself. Michelle froze slightly next to him before shifting awkwardly.

Flash cleared his throat expectantly, drumming his fingers against the manky table - asshole - while Peter’s mind spun far too fast than could be healthy. What the fuck could he do? What was he doing? Why was everything so hard? 

He had three options: 

One - he could expose Tony and Pepper’s pregnancy and completely betray their trust (leaving about a million presents and gifts without an owner in his apartment due to May’s increasingly worrying habit of buying anything that could be even remotely useful to the couple. Peter thought that she needed some kind of help but she refused to acknowledge her problem. He could relate).

Two - he could just decide to own it. He was having a kid, yes. He was in high school, yes. Shut up now (but in all honesty, he would rather die).

Or three - he could burn his face off with acid and disappear forever. Probably the least painful option (at least for his anxiety).

Peter snapped back to himself three years too late. People were still staring, including Michelle now; he could feel her eyes boring into his skull with an intensity that made him want to cringe away and cower in fear. God, he needed to get a grip. 

And hurry up. This was slowly becoming too long of a pause. 

Make. A. Decision. 

“It’s Tony Stark’s!” There. That was definitely the best option. One point to Peter. 

A deathly silence suspended on the - oh my god - whole cafeteria. Seriously, you could actually have heard a fucking pin drop. Every single face that Peter could see was close to their jaw detaching, their eyes bulging comically out of their heads and phones lying abandoned on laps and tables. Shocker. 

Even Flash was speechless (and that was fucking hard to do)

Peter smiled awkwardly. He twirled his fingers and pulled on the hem of his t-shirt. What was he going to do? Would Tony kill him? That would be quite cool, to be honest; killed by Iron Man. So long as the reason was never revealed. 

“Why should we believe you?” Oh. Not so speechless. Flash’s obnoxious voice was slightly strained though and seemed to only be asking because he was an ass. 

“Because,” Peter spluttered a few non-distinguishable noises before deciding ‘fuck it’, “I was there. When they found out. And soon you’ll have to believe me. It’ll be on the news and stuff, so, you’ll find out for sure.” He coughed, glancing at Michelle who just looked a little ashamed that he’d given up, before standing up smoothly (and it was smooth and collected, everyone else was just blind) “Um, I have to, you know, leave,” (‘before I straight up die’), “So, bye.” 

And he flew away. Very quickly. Without looking back. 

Oh. Shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Comments and kudos are appreciated for my super low esteem xx
> 
> Any prompts or ideas will really help :)
> 
> (I also may get a tumblr for this soon idk)


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